Monday, February 22, 2010

a streamline of endless thoughts and emotions..

You know those nighs, those endless nights... those nights, that you just lay there thinking.. wow i have so many things on my mind.. and then you realize, this is useless, why am I laying here, thinking of all these things when I can write these things down.. lol. You know I realized how strange my thoughts may be at times, the way I talk and think hahah it's all narrated quite frankly, and I find it quite interesting ahha.. but yes..

There has been issues, incidents and just plain events in my life that have been occuring and everchanging, there are just so many things. And I can't help but NOT sleep at night... maybe cause I'm used to it, maybe because I have an inevitable, never ending, frustrating, irritating cough! lol. But none the less there are these thoughts, that eat at you, entice you, tempt you, and keep you awake, awake into the wee hours of the morning... the thoughts that keep you guessing.. the thoughts that tell you. Oh my goodness, I should just stay up and do something... Lately I've been feeling lazy, or maybe it's uninspired, or something.. I feel limited, closed in, locked in within my own emotional and mental boundaries, it's truly ridiculous the holds I put on my life..

Haaa and it's interesting cause I wonder, how is it that others can live so carelessly, carefree, live without conscience, like a psycho path i'd say hahha.. quote un quote from HOUSE md. How can once just do something not giving a damn what others think, or be soo fricken selfish, to hurt someone willingly for their own good and knowing they're hurting someone else and then, have the damn guts to LOVE THEIR LIFE. Criminal! Dirtbag! Psychopath. You love your life, but i hope it eats you up inside! Your carelessness, your disregard for other's feelings, your empty empty soul and need for mere temporary fix and satisfaction. You sicken me, truly you do. Your actions and behavior keep me up at night... sadly. Because I worry too much for the heart and hurt of others, other much more willing and deserving, those who have fallen victim to this wreckless thing we call love and commitment.... and in dire desperation to find meaning in a relationship with another human being who actually accepts and understands us, only to realize that it was temporary.

And many wonder why we WOMEN are so difficult.. and why the GIRLS are soo much more easier... sexually, mentally and emotionally.. why cause these GIRLS, lack experience, these GIRLS have NO EXPECTATIONS, these GIRLS have NO HOPE.. .they are just TEMPORARY, and for you guys who choose these unforsaken, shameless beings, then you are to discover, yes DISCOVER that you will be left HIGH and DRY, cause none the less these GIRLS will do exactly the same to you.... they will grow BORED, they will yearn for someone else, desire something much more appealing to their taste of the moment, to fufill their quick fix of the moment, and you will be their YESTERDAY... so ENJOY while you can.. because sadly, this will grow to be one of your deepest REGRETS. Too many times, I've realized that these guys, try soo hard not to latch on and commit, because they're too afraid at the moment, and then realize, GIRL after GIRL later, that they had missed upon the real RELATIONSHIP that was IT. The real RELATIONSHIP that was worth it, THE ONE, that KNEW YOU THE BEST... cause why... you were afraid, you didn't wan to commit to one person, you didn't want to be HELD DOWN! or Nagged, but now... NOW you yearn for commitment, you yearn for that feeling of NEED, of someone who will willingly and lovingly LOVE YOU, COMMIT TO YOU, and UNCONDITIONALLY Accept you, and be by your side till the end of time...

cause now, it is done.

You know I find it quite sad, that it takes a lifetime of regret and a fist full of bull shit to see through the issues that lie within, to what actually makes a real relationship work....

wow that turned out to be something totally and over zealously new and different off subject lol.. .

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